FAMILY AND MARRIAGE: Improving your relationships

Roy grew up in a family that consisted primarily of men, macho men. His father was a career military man and he had four brothers. His mother was there but in the background. Roy learned early that he had to be tough to survive, and that he couldnt let himself become vulnerable in any way or he would be trampled.

This behavior kept him relatively safe as he grew up. Then he married, and soon began to have problems with his wife. She didnt feel a part of his life at all. She didnt feel like she knew him, and he wasnt willing to open up to let her in.

Vulnerability is a key ingredient to a successful marriage. If husband and wife are going to be one, and to learn to trust one another, openness is extremely important.

Jeff Murphy and Chuck Dettman, in the book The Solution for Marriages, discuss three common issues that affect relationships.

The first one is that which Roy was struggling with ? vulnerability. Many people feel vulnerability is a sign of weakness. Roy learned early on to keep his emotions and personal feelings to himself. If his brothers sensed any opening into his private world, he would be attacked.

So Roy learned that not being vulnerable made him appear to be strong, and the associated benefit was that it protected him from being attacked.

Many of us are unwilling to open up to anyone, even our spouse, because weve done it before and been hurt.

Although the act of opening ourselves up to our spouse may initially bring about some pain, the result will probably be worth it. All of us have been hurt in relationships at one time or another, and knowing others have experienced similar pain can often bring about healing as well as intimacy.

Its only when we open up and become vulnerable that we truly get to know each other.

A second issue that affects the marital relationship is unhealthy relationships outside the marriage. Maybe its a married man or woman at work who likes to flirt. Even though we feel we can resist, the temptation to give in is powerful, and in addition the perception of accepting such attention is dangerous.

Then there are the friends who encourage us to do things we know we shouldnt. Some may be pulling us to potentially dangerous behavior, such as addictions of various kinds.

Others through their own world view and personal life styles may be a negative influence. Although we may try to be a good influence on them, you may not be able to extinguish the fire before you get badly burned yourself.

Finally there is the plethora of core issues that may overwhelm and make the first two relationship issues seem superficial. They have to do with a healthy identity and personality styles.

The male performance orientation may bring on a win-lose attitude in every disagreement. Obsessiveness in the female need to connect may drive the male away rather than drawing him closer.

Murphy and Dettman have some simple suggestions that can go a long way toward developing positive relationships in a marriage.

Give regular attention to your relationship with your spouse, at least 15 minutes of meaningful dialogue each day. Dont just discuss the activities of yesterday and today; discuss how you feel about them. If you are having problems with unhealthy relationships outside the family, discuss them. Get your spouses input.

Learn to ask questions. Your spouse will know you care if you show sincere interest in what they have to say ? and why they feel the way they do.

Communicate the truth in love, while talking and listening. Share things that hurt you without attacking anyone. Listen and dont be defensive.

The Family and Marriage Coalition of Aiken Inc. (FAMCO) provides resources for you to succeed in your marriage and families. Roger Rollins, executive director of FAMCO, 640-4689, rogerrollins@aikenfamco.com, www.aikenfamco.com.

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Obama fundraising edges out Romney in August

WASHINGTON (AP) ? President Barack Obama and Democrats pulled slightly ahead of Mitt Romney and Republicans in monthly fundraising in August for the first time in four months.

Obama raised more than $114 million in August. Romney raised just over $111 million.

It's a sharp increase for Obama, who raised $75 million in July. That had been the third straight month he and the Democratic Party trailed Romney and the GOP in monthly fundraising.

Obama's campaign said more than 1.1 million people donated to the campaign in August, bringing its total number of donors to more than 3 million. The average donation was $58 and 98 percent of those who donated gave $250 or less.

"The key to fighting back against the special interests writing limitless checks to support Mitt Romney is growing our donor base, and we did that substantially in the month of August," said Jim Messina, Obama's campaign spokesman.

Romney's campaign did not release its total number of donors in August, but said about 94 percent of its donations came from people who gave $250 or less.

"Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan are offering bold solutions to our country's problems. That is why we are seeing such tremendous support from donors across the country," Romney's national finance chairman Spencer Zwick and Republican National Committee chairman Reince Priebus said in a joint statement.

Obama reversed a three-month trend at the time he needs it most, having spent heavily over the summer on advertising in an attempt to keep Romney at bay. Both candidates are claiming momentum coming out of their national conventions over the past two weeks.

Despite Obama's advantage in August, it's the third straight month Romney has raised more than $100 million, and the figure represents his best one-month fundraising total. And Romney has socked away more money for the general election campaign.

___

Associated Press writer Tom Beaumont in Boston contributed to this report.

Source: http://news.yahoo.com/obama-fundraising-edges-romney-august-043740908--election.html

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Pacific Rim leaders mull ways to buoy growth

A police officer patrols the central business district of Vladivostok, Russia, Saturday, Sept. 8, 2012. Leaders from the APEC countries are attending their annual summit in the eastern Russian city till Sept. 9. (AP Photo/Alexander Khitrov)

A police officer patrols the central business district of Vladivostok, Russia, Saturday, Sept. 8, 2012. Leaders from the APEC countries are attending their annual summit in the eastern Russian city till Sept. 9. (AP Photo/Alexander Khitrov)

U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton, right, and Japanese Prime Minister Yoshihiko Noda, shake hands during a bilateral meeting during the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) Summit in Vladivostok Saturday, Sept. 8, 2012. (AP Photo/Jim Watson, Pool)

Russian President Vladimir Putin, right, chats with New Zealand Prime Minister John Key during their meeting at the APEC summit in Vladivostok, Russia, Saturday, Sept. 8, 2012. (AP Photo/Mikhail Metzel, Pool)

Russian President Vladimir Putin, right, talks with Chilean President Sebastian Pinera during a bilateral meeting at the APEC summit in Vladivostok, Russia, Saturday, Sept. 8, 2012. (AP Photo/Anatoly Maltsev, Pool)

VLADIVOSTOK, Russia (AP) ? Asia-Pacific leaders discussed ways to energize growth by opening markets wider to trade on Saturday, in talks overshadowed by longstanding territorial disputes.

Revitalizing growth is an urgent priority for the Asia Pacific Economic Cooperation forum, whose aim is to dismantle barriers and bottlenecks that slow trade and business while nurturing closer economic ties.

Both China and host Russia pledged to do what they can to support those aims at a time when the global recovery is appears to be faltering. As usual at the consensus-led APEC summit, where most of the action was in various bilateral talks on the sidelines of the forum, leaders agreed to push ahead with long-term strategies to support sustainable growth.

Russian President Vladimir Putin and his South Korean counterpart Lee Myung-bak agreed to collaborate on resolving the standoff over North Korea's nuclear program, a key obstacle for developing a gas pipeline and rail links those two countries would like to build from Russia to Korea's Pacific coast, South Korea's presidential office said in a statement.

"Russia is ready to actively push forward with three-party collaboration for railroads, gas pipelines and power cables," the statement quoted Putin as telling Lee. He also said Russia could increase fishing quotas in exchange for more investment in its far eastern region.

Moscow aims to build the region around Vladivostok, a long-neglected seaport, into a hub that would tap into Asia's dynamic growth.

Asia remains the brightest spot in the global economy but is facing challenges, and trade is the solution, Putin told fellow leaders as they began their annual "informal retreat."

"The recovery of the global economy is faltering. We can only overcome negative trends by enhancing the volume of trade ... enhancing the flow of capital. It is important to follow the fundamental principles of open markets and free trade," Putin said.

"The priority goal is to fight protectionism in all its forms," Putin said. "It is important to build bridges not walls."

With President Barack Obama absent from the APEC summit this election season ? Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton is attending in his place ? the Russian leader has showcased his country's aspirations to play a more active role in the Pacific Rim region.

Clinton welcomed Russia's recent admittance to the World Trade Organization. America's exports to Russia could double or even triple as the country implements its commitments to open its markets further, while Russia itself could raise its GDP by about 11 percent in the long run, she said, citing World Bank estimates.

"Fostering a balanced and stable economy is a challenge too sweeping and complex for countries to approach in isolation," Clinton said. "If we do this right, globalization can become a race to the top, with rising standards of living and more broadly shared prosperity."

Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard, whose father died Saturday while she was in Vladivostok for the APEC summit, missed the talks as she was preparing to return home.

Putin announced the news in explaining Gillard's absence as he convened the group's first session.

"A sad event has occurred in the family of one of our colleagues, the prime minister of Australia. Her father has passed away," Putin said as the leaders gathered around a large round table. "Therefore I allow myself to express condolences from all of us."

Russia's hosting of the APEC summit highlights a renewed focus on developing its neglected but resource-rich Far East, where it plans to develop modern railroads, seaports and airports to help build a bridge between Asia and Europe.

Earlier, Putin promised regional business leaders that they can count on Russia, which has long focused mainly on supplying oil and gas to Europe, to be a reliable energy supplier.

APEC can play a role, business leaders attending the conference said, in forging regional networks, especially in energy and transport.

But lingering territorial disputes and other legacies of the Cold War era are keeping the region from its full potential: North Korea, in particular, remains relatively isolated from the rest of Asia, its own infrastructure in shambles.

Officials attending the talks insisted that the APEC agenda of economic and trade issues had no room for discussion of recent flare-ups in territorial disputes among Japan and South Korea, China and various neighbors, and Russia and Japan.

But hard feelings were nonetheless apparent: untypically, Japanese Prime Minister Yoshihiko Noda had no plans to meet with Chinese President Hu Jintao or with South Korea's Lee, Japanese and Chinese officials said.

Recent animosity has been harsh enough that Japan's Kyodo News agency reported the news that Noda and Lee shook hands when they sat beside each other at the leaders' meeting.

While briefing reporters, both the Chinese and Japanese officials reiterated their own claims regarding disputed islands.

"The Japanese side should face squarely to the strong reserve and determination of the Chinese government and the people to safeguard national sovereignty and territorial integrity," Chinese spokesman Qin Gang said.

He urged the Japanese to "meet the Chinese side halfway."

Japan and Russia, meanwhile, appeared to be making at least some headway on their own tussle over islands north of Japan claimed by both sides. Deputy ministers are to meet later this fall to discuss the issue with the aim of eventually signing a peace treaty, officials said.

The two sides agreed to ban crab poaching in the Sea of Okhotsk and signed an agreement on building a timber processing factory in Siberia. Meanwhile, Noda and Putin agreed to arrange a visit by the Japanese leader to Russia by December, said a senior Japanese official who briefed journalists about the talks.

The two sides want to resolve their differences in a "quiet and constructive atmosphere," the official cited Noda as saying.

Given APEC's lack of negotiating power, its annual summit is not known for major policy breakthroughs, though its activities affect trade and business accounting for about half of world economic activity.

During their meetings, the APEC leaders are expected to approve various initiatives, including one that will cut tariffs on environmental-related goods ? such as waste-water treatment technologies ? to 5 percent by 2015.

They also are expected to endorse measures for ensuring food security, protecting supply chains and beefing up emergency preparedness.

___

Associated Press writer Lynn Berry contributed to this report.

Associated Press

Source: http://hosted2.ap.org/APDEFAULT/f70471f764144b2fab526d39972d37b3/Article_2012-09-08-APEC/id-63c46cf22f6b493e975d641662a8b54c

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Baseball is a Game of Adjustments and Derek Jeter Has Mastered the Art

NEW YORK, NY ? JULY 09: Derek Jeter #2 of the New York Yankees rounds the bases after hitting a solo home run in the third inning for career hit 3000 while playing against the Tampa Bay Rays at Yankee Stadium on July 9, 2011 in the Bronx borough of New York City. (Image credit: Getty Images via @daylife)

Prior to the official start of summer and just before the onslaught of tourists joyfully invade the quaint shops and restaurants along Main Street, the National Baseball Hall of Fame and Museum hosts an annual Cooperstown Symposium on Baseball and American Culture. At last year?s gathering, an unexpected topic of conversation regarding Derek Jeter and his Hall of Fame candidacy was initiated by a handful of baseball scholars. While all of the participants in the conversation unanimously agreed the Yankee captain was a first ballot Hall of Famer, the debate immediately shifted to the percentage of votes that he would receive from the Baseball Writers Association of America. At the time, Jeter was approximately ten days away from an untimely appearance on the disabled list with a strained right calf. As it is now common knowledge, Jeter?s injury occurred when he was a mere six hits from becoming the fourth youngest and 28^th venerable member of the 3,000 hit club.

After listening intently to the predictions of journalists, researchers and consultants, one of the scholars proclaimed that Jeter would only receive 85% of the vote in his first year of eligibility on the Hall of Fame ballot. As the scholar?s answer was met with genuine surprise by the noted experts, he decided to elaborate by stating four key reasons for the honest assessment: (1.) Anti-Yankee sentiment and jealousy over Jeter?s storybook career, (2.) Jeter?s defensive inefficiencies were exposed thanks to the advancements in baseball analytics, (3.) There have only been 25 first ballot Hall of Famers that were elected with at least 90% of the vote, (4.) When you think of close to unanimous first ballot Hall of Famers, names such as Cobb, Ruth, Aaron, Mays, and Seaver immediately come to mind and it?s hard to imagine Jeter in the same category as these iconic ball players.

Fast forward one year and opinions have changed greatly. Not only should Jeter easily eclipse the 90% threshold, but he could join the likes of Tom Seaver (98.83%), Nolan Ryan (98.79%), Cal Ripken, Jr. (98.53%), Ty Cobb (98.23%), and George Brett (98.19%) as the only players to exceed 98% on a Hall of Fame ballot. While it would be almost impossible for Jeter or anyone for that matter to receive a unanimous selection to the Hall of Fame, his mounting accomplishments will undoubtedly put him into an elite class of baseball immortals.

Since the historic performance on July 9, 2011 that secured Jeter?s place amongst the game?s most prolific hitters, he has surpassed 16 ball players on the career hits list with his eyes firmly set on Willie Mays (3,283) by season?s end. Within a month?s time, only 10 hitters in the history of baseball will have more career hits than Derek Jeter. The skinny kid from Kalamazoo, Michigan has gone on to accumulate the most hits in interleague history (345), the most hits by a shortstop, the most hits in the old Yankee Stadium (1,274) and the only player to eclipse 3,000 hits while wearing a Yankee uniform. Jeter has firmly pressed his fingerprints on America?s national pastime and he is far from being done.

Jeter?s current assault on the record books has not only mesmerized and astonished everyone, but it has also given credence to the notion that he is one of the most consistent and durable hitters to have ever played the game. Anytime that a ball player?s name can rest comfortably next to Hank Aaron and Willie Mays, they must have accomplished something that is beyond extraordinary. Currently, Jeter and Mays are the only two men in baseball history to have accumulated at least 3,000 hits, 250 home runs, 300 stolen bases and 1,200 runs batted in during their careers. Jeter also shares a unique distinction with Aaron as being the only two men in baseball history to have at least 150 hits in a season for 17 years. To add to an already exemplary resume, Jeter has had seven seasons in which he has exceeded 200 hits and an eighth will be added by the first week of October.

One of the most compelling arguments that always seems to surface when it comes to Jeter?s career focuses on one simple question: Where does he rank amongst the all time greatest Yankees? While it will almost be impossible for him to eclipse Yogi Berra in championship rings (10) and Babe Ruth in home runs as a Yankee (659), Jeter?s name prominently rests atop the leader board in several offensive categories. Besides being the Yankee leader in games, at bats, hits, strikeouts and stolen bases, Jeter will eventually surpass Lou Gehrig (534) in career doubles by season?s end or by early 2013. If one were to construct the Mount Rushmore of Yankee icons, Jeter?s name would prominently appear in the discussion as to who should be included on the monument. With or without his famous face being carved into granite, Jeter is unquestionably in the same company as Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio, Mantle, Berra and Ford as the gold standard for the New York Yankees.

Recently, Jeter was put in the awkward position of defending himself as a result of comments made by a sports television personality and journalist regarding his spectacular season at the age of 38 and a potential connection to human growth hormone. While the individual clearly stated that he didn?t have a single shred of evidence to support his outlandish opinion and was a great admirer of Jeter?s, a tidal wave of commentaries flooded all aspects of the media. As Jeter was peppered with a wide array of farcical questions, people began to once again legitimately question baseball?s current landscape after the 50 game suspensions of Melky Cabrera and Bartolo Colon. The pollution within baseball caused by performance enhancing drugs over the past two decades has unfortunately called into question every accomplishment achieved by any ball player, innocent or guilty alike. While Jeter is the embodiment of class and integrity in a sport that has had its fair share of issues involving deviant behavior, his immaculate record and prominent standing within baseball doesn?t preclude him from skeptics questioning his achievements at an advanced age for a ball player. Even though it?s in poor taste to associate Jeter with cheating or any illegal substance, you can understand how doubt can easily creep into the minds of observers after reading the Mitchell Report.

The bedrock of Jeter?s immensely successful career has always been his family life and solid upbringing. Growing up in a biracial family, Jeter was subjected to hurtful racial epithets spewed by ignorant people. However, Jeter?s loving parents consistently provided him and his sister with valuable life lessons that stressed respect, sportsmanship, accountability, perseverance and humility. During Jeter?s formative years, he was graced with the good fortune of being in the company of a maternal grandfather who instilled in him a work ethic that is beyond comparison. Besides watching how his grandfather conducted business on a daily basis, Jeter learned the value of a dollar and what an honest day?s work looks and feels like. He also discovered that nothing comes easy in life and there are no short cuts on the path to glory. Jeter?s parents provided him with the tools and a road map to navigate situations that would challenge his core beliefs in times of adversity and peer pressure.

In the midst of the mini-controversy that surrounded Jeter for a couple of days last week, almost everyone failed to identify four primary reasons for the Yankee captain?s resurgence. The first and most obvious is health. While Jeter has only had two memorable appearances on the disabled list (2003 & 2011), any injury to a ball player in their late 30?s is viewed with great concern, especially after signing a $51 million contract with a player option in 2014 that could cost the Yankees an additional $17 million. Besides the everyday bumps and bruises that accompany the life of a professional athlete, Jeter has fully recovered from last summer?s calf injury and has played in 128 out of a possible 130 games this season. Throughout his career, Jeter has played in a 150 or more games in a season on 12 different occasions and is on pace to eclipse that mark once again in 2012.

The second aspect is Jeter?s work with longtime major and minor league hitting instructor Gary Denbo. A trusted confidant and someone who intimately knows all aspects of Jeter?s swing mechanics, Denbo focused on the Yankee captain?s head movement and a simple approach to the core fundamentals of Jeter?s unique swing. His time away from the Yankees last June allowed him to work exclusively with Denbo in Tampa and to specifically isolate the apparent flaws affecting Jeter?s offensive performance. At times, it?s simply a matter of making slight adjustments or just seeing the release of the ball a half a second quicker.

Third, the erosion of skills is a natural progression for any athlete. However, it?s more prominent with an individual who has performed and excelled at an elite level. Usually, an athlete has a choice to follow either one of two paths when they reach the crossroads of their career. Some choose to defiantly fight the effects of aging by ignoring the prominent warning signs and refusing to seek additional guidance from coaches, trainers and teammates. Others, especially in the case of Jeter, are cognizant of the gradual decline in their athletic abilities and create new training regimens that are implemented to maximize existing skills. Jeter?s humility and burning desire for excellence allowed him to listen intently to the advice of others.

Baseball is a game of adjustments and Jeter made monumental changes when it came to his training and conditioning. At the recommendation of Brian Cashman and the Yankees, Jeter began working with sports performance coach Jason Riley and parted ways with longtime trainer Rafael Oquendo. Riley helped Jeter create a training philosophy that focused specifically on lateral movements. Eventually, Jeter was able to learn new ways to strengthen the muscles in his legs and also create strategies on how to field ground balls by using efficient angles. Jeter was obtaining an all encompassing education on the synchronization of his motor units and how to maintain powerful and explosive movements over the course of a 162 game schedule.

Fourth, Benjamin Franklin once said, ?Diligence is the mother of good luck.? Jeter?s devout commitment to honing his craft is unparalleled and greatly admired by teammates and competitors throughout baseball. Besides avoiding significant time on the disabled list over the past 18 years, it always seems as if the stars are perfectly aligned for Jeter. He is the true embodiment of a person who has made his own luck and is as important to the Jeter mystique as any statistical accomplishment or World Series victory.

Source: http://www.forbes.com/sites/waynemcdonnell/2012/08/31/baseball-is-a-game-of-adjustments-and-derek-jeter-has-mastered-the-art/

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Apple cracking down on App Store copycats

Those scam apps that have been copying icons and splash screens from legitimate apps, costing developers cash, and ripping off customers? Yeah, it looks like Apple is cracking down on them, at least the high profile ones that are most likely -- and most intended -- to cause confusion. Benjamin Mayo reported on the change when he was provided with a copy of a rejection notice that showed the App Store review team citing provision 22.2: "Apps that contain false, fraudulent, or misleading representations will be rejected."

It appears this policy has changed and Apple is taking a much more proactive role; rejecting apps which attempt to mislead users by aping successful apps? trademarks. In short, Apple is helping to protect real developers from being ripped off. This is a good thing.

Developer Brad Larson also noticed that Apple has added a new, dedicated content dispute form that developers can use to report App Store copyright violations.

If you believe that an application available in the App Store violates your intellectual property rights, you can use this form to submit a claim to the App Store Legal Team.

Matthew Panzarino of The Next Web took the form for a spin, and while it looks like a powerful new tool, he notes:

Apple is clearly looking to minimize these occurrences as much as possible or, in the event that they do happen, to resolve them quickly.

Copyright is murky water. Apple needs to protect developers from outright violations of their intellectual property rights, but they also have to protect small developers from spurious legal challenges designed to force competition out of the store.

Rejection or removal from the App Store is Apple's nuclear option in these disputes, and it's a weapon that should be used, but used carefully and wisely.

Check the links below for more, and let's see where Apple goes with this.

Source: Benjamin Mayo, Brad Larson, via The Next Web

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